Saturday, 26th September 2009

Procrastinators: Leaders of Tomorrow

I have never much been one for procrastination.

At least, not with subjects that I actually enjoy. However, the sudden appearance of various slightly irritating but admittedly necessary Little Tasks at AS Level has enabled a level of Off-Putting never before experimented with at this desk. For I have to write a History essay — my first History essay since those I wrote in the exam in May 2008, and my first untimed essay since 2007 — on the British Empire — a topic I would never choose to study — up until 1660 — by which time, very, VERY little had actually happened — and I have not started it. I have not planned it. I have not decided my argument (which, for those who picked Geography instead, means working out what you actually believe about the way things happened). I have not even looked at my notes. And how has this happened? Why am I delaying (I think we can legitimately call it deliberate delay, given that I have just started writing a blog post rather than dig out my folder) the official recommencement of my study of one of my absolute favourite subjects? Why am I running such a risk of becoming a hypocrite? (Now that Cloe and I are literally in all the same classes, my lectures on her own notorious procrastination are once more becoming rather frequent.) Why am I not, as is my general view on life, getting on with it?

It has only been three weeks, but I’ve already worked out that the weekends are an important part of keeping up with the pace of five AS. Two heaven-sent days for, in addition to relaxing (which I do do, by the way) writing up scribbled notes from my tatty notebook, which has lasted from Year 9 Dance & Drama to everyday use in Year 12, completing those homeworks which are either ridiculously long, such as this essay, or set far enough ahead in time not to catch my attention during the week. I think I have been coping reasonably well with the heavier workload thus far, but I cannot deny that there is a certain feeling of Burn Out by the time Saturday hits; a couple of days of six lessons will do that to you  (despite the perks of free periods, which, à propos, for those doing five subjects are a godsend, not a luxury). This is not to say I am hysterically working myself to death during the week, far from it, but in the way that I used to arrive home on a school night and flop into my desk chair for a couple of hours of meaningless time-frittering, I now arrive home on a Friday night and flop into my bed for a couple of days of simply existing, without doing anything. All this said, I am fairly sure this is just a long-winded excuse for the pathetic truth, that there is no real reason why I can’t do this essay, since I’ve clearly managed to complete all the other work I had to get done this weekend.

Another viable excuse could possibly be that there is a feeling of procrastination in the air these days. The five-year long taunt of free periods, always viewed from a distance (sixth formers playing basketball heard by green ears from the Condor block, sixth formers lazing on the field in summer watched with fury from the English rooms) with the sole consolation that one day they would be ours, means that though they probably shouldn’t, the vast majority of the year group refuse on principle to work through their frees, shrugging evasively, flopping into a maroon armchair (thus sending up an unsettling cloud of dust) and mumbling some time in the near future when it will all get done. On a broader, more Annoying New Politics Student level, the procrastination of Gordon Brown vis-à-vis the word ‘cuts’, of Barack Obama and Hu Jintao on just making some bloody emission reductions instead of talking about it some more, of Israel and Palestine to face the inevitable and meet, well, face to face in the same room, of Ahmadinejad regarding the inexorable admission that yes, he has a secret nuke factory…It seems that in the wake of the recession, our beloved chieftains have decided that they can afford to procrastinate on these various rather important issues, because top priority for all parties concerned is Not Being In Recession. Where’s the hurry, after all, when we’re all so broke that we’ve forgotten we’re about to burn, mine, deforest and refine the planet into a humanless wasteland?

Even the words of this post, which has already been established as a procrastinationary tactic, are in themselves a procrastination, to get to the real point: I am not writing the essay because I am scared to. I haven’t done this in almost a year and a half. I have no real interest in the British Empire, though any History is still more interesting than pretty much anything else. I have no knowledge whatsoever about this period in time, apart from what we’ve learnt since the start of term, most of which I can’t even use, as the essay is only about 1580-1660, where all that happens is a bunch of colonies fail and then a couple succeed, and that we begin to realise we’re too useless to do it ourselves and instead start to nick all the good stuff (gold, ships, slaves and Jamaica) off the Spanish. And I have no opinion. Of course, I will form one if I sit down with the stuff and think about it for a while, but I am used to instantly forming opinions. And I don’t have a while. I have tomorrow. In short, I haven’t done History since the days of Year Ten when we were spoonfed and hand-held beyond belief, and I am suffering from the dreaded Insecurity. This is unfortunate, since in History it doesn’t really matter what you say, as long as you say it with conviction.

The wonderful thing about procrastination is that, whatever rationalisations can be made (often by me) about the logic of getting things out of the way, it does allow you that dreamy time period of nothingness between the decision to put it off and the time at which you decided to do it instead. Just as ignorance is bliss, borrowed time is still time. Admittedly I have spent the weekend driving to Potters Bar and back for a hasty last-minute dance class before my exam next week, attending my sister’s birthday celebration and completing the rest of the hefty homework set for this week rather than raving it up, but procrastination often produces a time pressure which allows great efficiency. If I had started the essay on Friday night, doubtless I would have sweated blood and tears over it right up until bedtime on Sunday night, and thus ruined the weekend. By putting it off till tomorrow, yes, I have ruined Sunday, and possibly Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday too (the deadline is Thursday), but at least I have had a decent Friday and Saturday. For me, that is worth the pain of rushing the first assessed piece, the first exam practice, the first return to historical thinking. And this is the point of world procrastinators, the true leaders of tomorrow: one can always do it tomorrow, and if tomorrow turns out to be the end of the line, wouldn’t you rather have spent your last day drinking Screaming Orgasms and partying it up Berlusconi style than sitting through dreary meetings about reductions in the public sector?