Monday, 29th June 2009

The longest weekend ever

Last night, I had my first prom dress nightmare.

We were all getting ready at Cloe’s house which appeared to have grown an infinite number of bathrooms to change in, and then we were forced to catch a bus up Muswell Hill Broadway to the prom. We arrived a little scruffy and public-transporty, but in one piece. Only then did I realise that I was wearing Cloe’s prom dress.

I am not entirely sure what my subconscious is trying to tell me at this late juncture (prom being in three days), but having already experienced the Prom Shoe Shopping Nightmare, along with the first Results Day Dream and the recurring guest stars of murder, psychopaths, burning buildings and wolves of some sort on a normal night, I’m getting pretty tired of sleep. I think Results Day can be blamed on the eventual arrival of my end of year report in its shiny black folder, as if this small gesture excuses the school for sending the thing three months after it was written and two months after we were supposed to go on Study Leave. It was not exactly worth the wait. In fact, it contained little more than the usual cocktail of generic comments such as the perennial ‘hardworking, polite and conscientious student’, name mix ups (without fail every year I am called Sara at least once) and total misconceptions about my experience of a certain subject to the extent that I wonder whether they have genuinely confused me with another child. There were the odd pleasant surprise – Latin opened with “The rest of the class thinks you’re very good” and the beloved Geography still maintains that I “worked extremely hard to complete the course in one year” — and some completely baffling ones too. My Biology teacher, for instance, asserts that I “take a full and active part in lessons” when I know that he knows that I know that he knows that all I have done for the past year is take myself and someone else’s textbook to the back of the room and work independently, shamefully rudely, yet rather productively, ignoring any kind of class discussion that might be taking place. He is probably glad I was still inside the lab and not gambling or playing on my iPhone, the regular past-times of the other residents of The Back Of The Room.

And so, with such reflections, the holidays have passed, the highlight almost certainly being the trip to Brighton. True, Tulsi and I literally lay on the beach all day, charged with watching the stuff of the other twenty somewhat less boring members of our company, and I was one of few to not enter the sea, despite being right in my admonitions that it would be bloody freezing, and of course one cannot avoid mentioning that there is a previously lobster-red, now encouragingly pinkish brown, patch on my left arm which simply will not match the rest of me at prom. All the same, it felt like a holiday. I should also probably admit that the entire purpose of the trip (to celebrate Jess’ birthday) was regrettably undermined by the fact that I forgot to bring her present, so excited was I to be doing something — ANYTHING — that constituted an actual summer holiday.

There have been other excitements too, of course, including wandering around London with the boys, subsequently being enticed into a BBC propaganda caravan which did rather excitingly contain Guitar Hero and Apple products, as well as more trips to Brent Cross than I like to make in a year (four to be exact). I have participated in two sleepovers, one of which involved my first ever Tent Experience, watched endless films and episodes of CSI, and laughed cruelly and deliberately at Jordan and various other acquaintances who are still forced to wear The Blazer.

Speaking of The Blazer, Max did not pick a particularly good day to put it back on for a final time and pick up litter in the park, but as Mr H would say, MAYBE he should have thought about that BEFORE he decided to harmlessly throw some otherwise useless baking ingredients in a public place. It is due to reach 33 degrees according to reports, and every time I look out of the window at that blue sky, I miss Ricky. I suspect that he is a closet SAD-sufferer, as he becomes hopelessly depressed if it has been raining for too long, but then perks up completely, immediately, exasperatingly, once the sun comes out. It seems some cruel joke of fate that the first time we shall see each other in a month will be at prom, a cultural monstrosity which neither of us ever intended to attend.

Aside from these exploits, I have passed a large amount of my time ripping up all the work I have poured my soul into for the last five years. This is not quite true. I have kept everything from GCSE, as well as all my English and History books, but the rest is gone. The only evidence that I wrote a single word while a secondary school student are the mundanely pleased comments of teachers in the equally generic last four years of school reports, which seem to indicate I might have done something every now and then, and the little tufts of paper which now cover my bedroom floor. This was supposed to be my cleansing process, my form of burning everything (hardly green), but it turned out to be more of a nostalgic exercise, cutting out little things that amused me or which were reminiscent of some previously forgotten yet entirely memorable event and reading over my work, occasionally with pride but more often horror at how appallingly bad it was (French is a particular suspect for that one). I think I shall now have to purchase a scrap book and become That Girl. At least I know what to do with these things. I still have no notion of how best to dispose of the scraps of the artist formerly known as My Tech Apron, which I feverishly unstitched, cut and tore into shreds at my birthday party. The pieces await me forlornly in a carrier bag on the table downstairs, and I’ve realised I have no idea what to do with them. Burning would smell terrible (the major deterrent from blazer burning). A rubbish bin is too anticlimactic. Forming some great feat of modern art is too long.

Suggestions, anyone?


17 comments

  1. Sabrinarghhh 21:26 on 29/06/2009

    You could do what I did with mine: Jumped on them in those ridiculous football boots the PE dept. forced us to buy for the ‘run in the woods’ (which for me was more of a ‘stuck in mud, in football boots, looking like a twat’ for 45 mins) whilst screeching vehement obscenities until it became tedious, then writing ‘insert all cahiers here’ on a scrap of paper before burning it, with my stolen lighter.
    Then recycled the rest, because I’m a good girl, really.
    Also the pile of unused paper I ripped out from the centre of exercise books was bigger than the pile of all the textbooks I had to hand in and worksheets combined. This only confirms my belief that, despite being ‘determined, inspired and conscientious’, I did Jack all this year.
    @Jordan: I was going to type “I hope HTML works” but then I saw the little comment thing above. Also, have you given into the Twitterbug?

  2. Lala 21:33 on 29/06/2009

    I did recycle everything. Who called you that then? And yes I have a pile of the remains of partially-used exercise books to add to my tiresomely full trunk of notebooks…I never bought the football boots. I refused. I’m watching Sense & Sensibility. It’s reduced all of the great British actors of our time — Emma Thompson, Kate Winslet, Imelda Staunton, Hugh Grant, Gemma Jones, Alan Rickman, Hugh Laurie — to heaving-breast middle class Austenites in absurd costumes. But at least it didn’t reduce all of the terrible British actors of our time to such…

  3. Sabrinarghhh 22:01 on 29/06/2009

    There’s a good Niffler *pats*.
    I can’t remember but it’s downstairs and I’ve done way more exercise than I intended to this weekend so I refuse to get out of bed until Wednesday, so I cba to get it, but the first and last one were regurgitated quite a few times from the ol’ stomach of generic school reports.
    “You can lack motivation, but you generally maintain a positive attitude” (Guess which subject, pahah)
    Roughly translates to…
    “You’re a lazy cow, but at least you’re not slitting you’re wrists.”
    Couldn’t have put it better myself, really ^.^
    You gotta admire them though, I think I’d turn to copying and pasting after about the 4th pupil, to avoid any sarcastic comments or, jebus forbid, tell their parents what their child is really like.
    See this is exactly why I avoid anything involving corsets and unneeded emphasis on the letters t and s in speech. It’s also a great excuse to hate Helena Bonham-Carter
    … and steer clear of admitting she scares the crap out of me.

  4. Administrator 22:15 on 29/06/2009

    There’s a little comment thing? Is there something I’m missing here?
    I’d rather shoot myself than use Twitter. I do technically have a blog, but it’s updated once every half year because maintaining this one is more difficult than trying to pass Graphics whilst not incurring the wrath of the rest of your class. The only other “social media” I suscribe to is MSN or whatever they call it now, I’m afraid. Why?
    Also, well done you two. That was the longest consecutive exchange in any of the comments ever posted. Congratulations.

  5. Sabrinarghhh 22:30 on 29/06/2009

    Mmm, the real-time-ish comment typing thing above the box I’m typing in? (It’s ok to give up trying to decipher what I’m saying, I have to do it to myself all the time, hah)
    Ah, je comprends. I was just thinking about the cheap thrills I get out of reading other people’s miseries and was thinking whether there’d be someone else “tech-savvy” who might enjoy the same, s’all :)
    Well, what can I say? *bows and pulls out a large stack of speech prompt cards*

  6. Administrator 22:39 on 29/06/2009

    Oh, right. That. Didn’t you criticize me for that once? Mmph, don’t worry, I gave up trying to understand you when you told me you ditch your friends every morning to have fun doing Tech. *rolls eyes*
    “Tech savvy”? Meh. When you start reading several gadget blogs in at least two different languages, have declared a republic free of Microsoft-, Apple- and Linux-zealots and have at least once come across a technician who you’re better at problem fixing than, then I shall call you tech savvy. (I’ve done one of these three, by the way; I do actually have a life to juggle with.) But that shouldn’t be too hard for you. You speak Italian, after all.
    I had a question to ask you but then you went on study leave so I forgot. Oh well.

  7. Lala 07:45 on 30/06/2009

    Why do my posts always end up a three-way conversation between me, Jordan and Sabrina? Well anyway. Did you get a PE report?? I feel so unloved, I didn’t get one. Is your prom dress 3D yet? Surprisingly HBC wasn’t in it. There weren’t really any corsets. And I don’t think she’s a big fan of Jane Austen. Also, the appearing-as-you-type thing was always there. I always forget that I’m typing in the box not up there so I start trying to click my cursor in the middle of the screen and it takes me about 5 minutes to realise…

  8. Sabrinarghhh 11:31 on 30/06/2009

    @Jordan (Giordano?): Hah, ney not criticised, probably made some immature comment about how fulfilling it was to watch what I’m typing appear twice.
    Pahaha, it was a crap excuse… I wasn’t even doing the tech, I just wanted some peace. And it wasn’t every morning..!
    … Just… 3 months worth.
    Suddenly I feel like someone’s chopped my binary balls off; I don’t quite fit your criteria I’m afraid, but compared to a lot of earthlings, I know where the power button is, which is a start…
    Oh :/ Do ask when you remember?
    @Lara: I was just thinking that. I think you should strut up to the PE office and give them a piece of your mind. You know they gave me a negative comment in year 7 because Celine forgot her kit twice? Gutted mate. No corsets? Pscht… amateurs. And yeah, I know, hah.

  9. Administrator 11:59 on 30/06/2009

    @Lara: mainly because we’re the only three of the people who frequent your blog (there’s over 160 at the last count, 121 all at once yesterday) who have the capacity to have a sustained conversation?
    @Sabrina (The only other language I have some form of grounding in is Spanish, where Sabrina seems to be legitimate, so I shall call you “That purple-haired, moody girl who looked as if she had a death wish”, as Joanna so fondly described you): I don’t know. It is quite distressing how bad people can be with computers. Try explaining electronic funds transfer to my mother. She appears to think it’s “bank magic”, at the moment. If you want peace, bar your teeth viciously at people who come near (not letting random friends of friends talk to you is generally advisable.) Anyway, it so was more than three months. I saw you practically every day there! Oh, I just got that. Binary balls. Ha.

  10. Sabrinarghhh 12:11 on 30/06/2009

    Pah, I really should stop filling your inbox Lara but, let’s face it, I have nothing better to do.
    @Jordan: Same. Portuguese is a bit more challenging because of needless silent letters but I can’t help myself (http://www.skinsbrasil.com/page/ I am such a sell out…)
    Ahaha! I think she might’ve hit the nail on the head there. Though in my defense I’m more violet than violent (! cringe at pun)
    Sounds like a plan. My fall back was purchasing a sign saying ‘beware of the dog’ and sticking it on my forehead…
    Feel proud, my parents still get a rush of excitement when their Oyster cards beep on contact with the barrier…

  11. Administrator 12:20 on 30/06/2009

    …But my Spanish is non-existant. I’m rather obliged to point out that, despite my mother giving me my looks, she didn’t speak Spanish to me as a baby, so I’m not…well, I don’t know anything! Portuguese is interesting, but Basque much more so. Did you know it is entirely unrelated to every other language, despite being surrounded by Romance languages? By the time Celtic was created, Basque was old.
    You aren’t allowed to make jokes anymore.
    Ah, so you’re a bitch?
    lol! Watch what happens when my cousins come to London every other summer…

  12. Sabrinarghhh 12:33 on 30/06/2009

    I was reading about that a couple of months back. My nerdy side kicked in and for a while I was pretty convinced it was a cross between Japanese, Latin and something Scandinavian, but I think I just got a little excited and started picking out coincidences.
    *sigh* I feared as much…
    Well spotted (: Though everyone is, deep down. Moreover it’s a much neater way of explaining the inexplicable theses I have on psychology and the like. “My dear, the man is not bipolar nor does he suffer from memories of childhood experiences, he’s just a bitch”
    A-levels here I come…

  13. Iain 15:09 on 30/06/2009

    Jordan/Sabrina: what with your mentioning of Basque perhaps you’d be slightly interested in http://www.omniglot.com/blog. I read through a fair bit of the archives agaes ago, forgot about it, then reminded me. Quite a lot/most of it was boring, some of the posters seemed unhealthily keen on accents and dipthongs, but there were odd interesting bits. Yeah.

  14. Administrator 15:21 on 30/06/2009

    @Sabrina: Japanese is another odd one which has flourished from seemingly nowhere. Basque does have a couple of similarities with some native American languages, which quite…well, weird. Picking out odd coincidences wouldn’t be so strange, considering the fact that the language absorbed parts of its surrounding neighbours, and Scandinavian ones come from the same root…but the Japanese is just a bit odd, I’m afraid, m’dear.
    Though everyone is a bitch (oh, Larissa, how I hate you), the various degrees of bitch could well be a science. Perhaps we could call it heathermillology. Explain that one, darling Sabrina.
    I truly feel sorry for your teachers. Though McConnell did speak of your experiences of the complex grammar paper in Latin (I really don’t like Daily Life).

    @Iain (which one are you?): That’s cool, but I’m not impressed till they decipher the Voynich Manuscript =P By the way, there are two Hs in diphthong, though I challenge you to pronounce it successfully first time.

  15. Lala 08:23 on 01/07/2009

    @Everyone: who invented this stupid way of talking? Have you people not heard of MSN?? Also I have NO idea what you’re talking about.
    @Jordan: Iain is the one with curly blond hair and glasses. And don’t DO daily life. None of us even looked at it before the exam. Just do Roman Religion which is actually interesting and piss easy. Paper 3 isn’t for everyone who dislikes the History paper, it’s for everyone who is likely to FAIL the History paper (sorry Sparxy, Niffler still loves you). Unless you WANT to volunteer to learn an extra vocab list and be totally ignored in all History revision lessons…
    @Sabrina: Hi Sabrina, how are you? We’re going to Victoria Park at 2pm today if you want to come. If you pick this up. Loser… Yeah when I opened my inbox for a second I thought someone really loved me but then I remembered Jordan’s warning text about how you two chose to spend your day…Well I should go actually do something now, so…bye!

  16. Administrator 15:23 on 01/07/2009

    @Lara: I don’t have either of these two’s MSN, and I doubt they’re to volunteer it any time soon. We don’t have a choice: they discontinued Roman Religion. I don’t know why, considering the course is being changed next year, but never mind. Daily Life is neither interesting nor piss easy. And yes, alas. I shall speak more to you later.

  17. Saralalaaa 21:48 on 03/07/2009

    Hey which Sara, coz I swear Mr. Barron called you Sara once in food. LOL. You stress a lot, chill out, everything will be fine. Much love xxx

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