Thursday, 20th November 2008

Octopussy and the Living Daylights

I know I haven’t written in ages, but currently I feel empty inside and I can’t think of anything to write, so you’ll just have to survive on a book review for now. I’m very very behind (I’m on my fourth book to review) but I can’t write more than one of these because that would interrupt my very important schedule of staring into space and vaguely thinking “Fuck this”, so…live with it.

I read Octopussy and the Living Daylights by Ian Fleming, which is the last (14th) James Bond book. It’s also the thinnest, because it’s four short stories (Octopussy, The Property of a Lady, The Living Daylights and 007 in New York). These stories weren’t originally intended to be published all in one book but it seemed silly not to. The best story was The Living Daylights, because it actually involved James Bond. He is ordered to fly to Berlin and allow an agent who had been spying from Soviet-controlled East Berlin to cross the border to West Berlin, by taking out the sniper guy positioned on the Berlin Wall to kill the agent as he crosses. I felt they all ended rather oddly, but it was still a good story.

Octopussy had virtually nothing to do with Bond. He shows up in the Bahamas or somewhere and asks this retired Major to confess his crime. The rest of the story is the Major’s crime. Bond isn’t even there to arrest or kill the guy at the end. It was very random and not all that interesting. The Property of a Lady DID involve Bond, but it wasn’t ABOUT him, it was about the auction of a Faberge egg. Bond is instructed to go to the auction because the underbidder will be the chief Soviet agent in London, but again, nothing exciting happens at the end, nobody gets killed or even arrested, or even CAUGHT for God’s sake… But it was at least better than 007 in New York. He gets off the plane, checks in and goes to a cake shop or something. THAT IS LITERALLY IT. Oh my God. James Bond doesn’t work in short stories.

It’s weird because Octopussy is one of the few James Bond films I’ve actually seen all the way through. They seem to have combined elements from all the stories in this book (there’s a Faberge thing going on, as well as an East Berlin thing, as well as a disgraced major thing) but woven them into a completely invented plot centering on Octopussy herself. (In the book, an actual giant squid who eats people. In the film, a hot circus freak.) Hmm. Well. It wasn’t DREADFUL, it was just rather unBondish. Disappointing.